“if the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear of change, change will occur”. Make sense?
Yes, addiction is a painful process for both the addict and the ones that have to watch this unfold before their very eyes. Family members, work colleagues and friends ask “WHY! why don’t you just change you have so much going for” or “do it for your family, your kids or to save your job”.
Conclusion – bargaining with addiction is merely a temporary solution with very little to no long term sustainability. Trust me, addicts do feel the pain of their addiction, they do see the destruction they cause and often land up hating themselves for who they are and fear the little hope they have to change or live a life that merely just seems like a fantasy. The pain that comes from living a life of addiction can however lead to the desire of wanting to change, this pain often described a “rock bottom” presents itself in many form i.e. job loss, divorce, loss of friendships, financial loss of control, mental and physical set backs or purely the loneliness, guilt and shame that can be very over powering. I’ve heard it before “Rock bottom is an inside job” and pondered on this for a long time trying to figure out what the actual motivating factor was in my own experience, thinking about it now, it wasn’t the fact that I had nowhere to go, it wasn’t the fact that my job was on the line, that I didn’t have money, that my 3 year old daughter at the time missed me terribly and at the same time was wary of me, it was the dark hole that existed inside of me, that I was all I had which meant that I needed to live with my thoughts, my guilt, my shame and ultimately my pain, that pain in my heart….I’M ALONE I AM WORTH NOTHING!. I was able to find the motivation for change through this pain, my fear of change wasn’t the precursor anymore, the pain of staying the same was.
Coming in to recovery had it’s challenges trust me on that. Living without drugs and alcohol was a very difficult break up, especially that recovery brought a lot of suppressed emotions to the surface, it was as though I had to go through the grieving cycle of losing someone very close to me (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). Pain had now become the cover charge fee I had to pay for freedom. Patience turned instant gratification to delayed gratification, as I explored my pain and starting getting honest about me, what I lacked and what I needed to gain I eventually started experiencing a freedom I thought never existed, family relationships improved, work performance improved, my daughter had her Dad back and all these little miracles kept showing up when I least expected it.
Pain can be a great motivating factor for change, although with addiction this could come with many risks as very sadly addicts to succumb to their using and lifestyle. For the fortunate ones that make it out and I have had many conversations with people that I have counselled or met who are in a process of recovery that pain contributed to them looking in the mirror and accepting what needs to change.
There is always hope, there is a way out.