Often the first step for family members to confront a loved ones addiction. As an experienced counselor and interventionist, this process can be the most emotional. Family members are struck by fear and a bundle of difficult emotions. Addiction presents the image of an addict suffering, but family members suffer too. Been a recovering addict looking back on my experience I could see how my addiction contributed to a lot of pain within my family, many tears, many arguments, a lot of lies, A LOT OF MANIPULATION.
Families have front row seats to how addiction spirals out of control as often the addict is a son, daughter, father or mother. As the days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and eventually years, at what point does an intervention appear as the solution to getting help?. An addict in active addiction will demonstrate aggression making it difficult for their family to make an approach, this often leads to nothing been done at all. As the behavior and addiction worsens family members often try cope with the problem by pretending its not there or by using tough love and then retracting boundaries and consequences they threaten to put in place. This just adds to the dysfunction and a solution appears to be an impossible task. Co-dependent behaviors develop and evolve at a rapid rate often creating enabling behaviors such, providing money, accepting ongoing excuses, tolerating disrespect, aggression and in some cases theft.
So what is there left to do?. Staging an intervention is a delicate process. Using an experienced interventionist would be suited to this setting as through strategic planning the desired outcome of making treatment an option increases. If this is not an option to have an interventionist present, choose a person who understands addiction and the process of recovery. In my experience it was another addict who had lived like me and could relate to my thinking and my pain that really helped me understand that my family weren’t trying to harm me but were in actual fact “loving” me through the process of staging an intervention, ultimately they were saving my life. The intervention process is difficult for both the family members as well as the addict. Once the decision gets made to proceed with an intervention avoid stalling the process due to fear or painful emotions that could surface, be pro-active and follow the guidance of the interventionist or the intervention facilitator. If there is enough time, a pre-intervention can be arranged whereby the family meet separately with an interventionist to plan how and where the intervention will take place. Choosing the correct role players will also be key. Some family members may have serious unresolved conflict with the addict and this could lead to unnecessary confrontations that pose a threat to the intervention approach itself. Having “using friends” or people who represent the addicts lifestyle are also to be avoided for obvious reasons. Once the pre-intervention has taken place and the role players identified the interventionist will explain the approach and can give the family tasks to complete for the role they will play. Roles such as been assertive, empathetic and honest help confront the addicts denial over their addiction. This process also gives the family and the interventionist time to discuss what options are possible in terms of finding the correct help. Making the necessary financial arrangements, research on what treatment center will be used, how long will treatment be, what aftercare options will be available post treatment (outpatient services, halfway house) etc. In some cases families aren’t in a position to afford treatment and free treatment will need to be accessed. A well informed interventionist should be able to assist with the relevant options and resources that are available.
In conclusion, an intervention can be painful and emotional. However, very necessary. This could be the event that can save an addicts life and provide change and support within the family structure that can lead to rebuilding the family dynamic, establishing family values and a sense of freedom that recovery is possible for both the family members and the addict. Recovery is an ongoing process of positive behavior change and lifestyle choices, this does not only pertain to the addict but to the family unit as a whole. If you feel trapped in this destructive cycle of addiction, take the first step and reach out, you are not alone. Addiction does not mean the end, Recovery is possible.
